Not So Brave

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When I meet someone new of Arild's friends one of the first things they tell me is, "You're very brave." I don't think that at all. I'm still extremely dependent on Arild and I try very hard for that to not let me down. He is very supportive, which makes a huge difference and I'm very appreciative for having an extremely laid-back and supportive husband, but I miss my independence. The day I get my independence back I am going to do one hell of a victory dance, but it will take baby steps to get there.

I'm scared to go into public alone because I'm afraid people will talk to me and I have no idea what they say or say back to them. Any time I have ventured off on my own this has never happened, so it's really just an irrational fear. The times I have had to speak English to people they've almost always spoken English back.

I''m learning how to drive a manual car. The first 3 months an American is in Norway they can drive with their American license. After that, you can't drive again until the application is approved, but you need to take a driver's test before your first year is up if you want to avoid paying for the ridiculously expensive driving classes - about $4000. This part really isn't that bad and I'm catching onto this quicker than other things, so I'm not too worried about it. After all, one of the major milestones of independence is a car - or at least that's how I see it.

I hate not working. I really miss having a reason to get out of bed in the morning and making my own money. Granted, right now it would be illegal for me to work, I still miss it and really can't wait until I've landed a job.   I do realize this may take some time though as I have to get through language classes and become apprenticed in fluency.

Language classes. This will soon become a large part of my life the next year or maybe longer. I'm very anxious to begin and I think this will help with a lot of the insecurities I have. I'll get to meet people in the same situation as me, maybe meet a few native English speakers for support with the language and I'll hopefully soon begin to understand what everyone around me is saying and hopefully soon get the confidence to start speaking.

I'm not having second thoughts. Not even close! So please don't take what I'm about to say out of context. I picked the above quote because though I'm complaining a bit here about temporarily losing some independence, had I not made the decision to move to Norway and experience all this for myself and the biggest part of all - move to be with the person I absolutely adore and love to bits - I would have regretted it. I'm sure the regret would have eaten at me for a lifetime. So, when I'm feeling like complaining or I get frustrated at myself or want to let myself start feeling down over something, I keep the big picture in mind. Losing my independence is only temporary. The regret of never doing this would have been for a lifetime.

Comments

kelly said…
I've been reading your blog for awhile (I'm currently in the US but I've lived in Norway and hope to return soon). I am not much for commenting, but what you said about being scared to leave the house on your own struck a chord with me. First off, as you've encountered, everyone speak English - so much so I struggled to get people to speak Norwegian with me once they realized I spoke poor Norwegian but good English (at some point you'll be complaining about the fact that they all speak English...).

Whenever anyone said something I didn't understand, I just replied "Jeg snakker litt norsk. Kan vi snakker engelsk?" And like that, the conversation switched to english. Often, I would finish up the conversation telling them I was trying to learn Norwegian and ask them to say the original question again, slowly, so that I could get it in my head.

Like you said, it is an irrational fear, but the longer you succumb to it, the harder it will be to get out of that mindset and the longer your adjustment period will be.

Take ownership of your dependence. Something like getting a job might not be in your control right now, but you are able to get out there an immerse yourself in Norwegian culture. Talk to people, learn about them and their lives, ask them to teach you to say something in Norwegian. Some day you'll look back on this period in time and wish you had all this free time again. Make the most of if!
July 24, 2012 at 7:16 PM
Evelyn Sand said…
Thank you for your kind words and support. You're very right and I do realize I need to get out there and get over my irrational fear.

That is a very good tip you gave about asking the Norwegian to ask the original question again slowly.

Thank you, again. I desperately need to get out there and talk to people.
July 24, 2012 at 7:45 PM
Anonymous said…
hello!
I'm 29 year girl from Ukraine and only preparing to move to Norway. I found your blog today and think it is VERY helpful because of your personal experience. I liked that you write not only about some figures or facts but also about your feelings! that's very important, we all are human beings , not robots, so I appreciate that you show us what can happen inside your soul during this period when you are a little bit dependent on other person.
so I consider it wasn't compaining, it was what you really feel and exactly that made me write the comment. Keep going and good luck in everything. you're strong person and I'm sure soon all will work out well.
August 8, 2012 at 4:19 PM
Evelyn Sand said…
Oh hello! I'm so happy you found my blog helpful to you! I try to balance the facts and statistics with personal experiences in here. :-) Things have actually been better since writing this particular blog. I hope you enjoy Norway! Thanks for stopping by! :-)
August 14, 2012 at 11:16 AM
Marvis Carswell said…
It’s been a few months since this post, and I sincerely hope you got through your driving lessons and test just fine. I know it can be a little jarring learning how to drive manual, when you’re used to automatic. That’s why, I preferred to learn the other way around – in driving school, I learned how to drive manual first before I tried automatic. The transition was honestly a lot quicker and easier.
October 4, 2012 at 10:35 PM
Evelyn Sand said…
Hi there! I haven't taken my driver's test yet, but I am practicing and gradually getting better at it. While I wrote this, I was just very impatient and frustrated and ready to get started with everything - it was one of the few times I've felt "down" since moving to Norway. Everything is okay now. As far as driving goes, I'm doing just fine and I expect to take my driver's test within a few months. :-)

Thanks for stopping by my blog!
October 5, 2012 at 2:24 PM
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