Norwegians: Cold People, Warm Hearts

Arild and I rarely encounter cultural differences within our home. Outside the home, interacting with other people, oh yeah, sure. Tons. But within our marriage, rarely. We expect this is because he isn't a complete full-on snow-loving Norwegian and I'm not a gun-toting American. (Sorry, couldn't think of another stereotype quick enough!) We love our homelands, but we're just not over-the-top wishing to fulfill every stereotype of our nationalities. And that's perfectly okay. We think it's okay because had we been both extremes on the spectrum, we would make a very poor couple.

Except there is this one thing where we clash culturally, but it's not a huge problem or anything. We deal with it effectively. It's just enough to at times make me walk away mumbling to myself, "Ugh you are so Norwegian sometimes!" He doesn't speak to strangers. Of course, this is alright at times, but if I need to ask him to ask another person a question for me if I'm unsure about my norsk, I can usually forget it. It just ain't happening. He can give me a translation and I will do my best to have a working conversation. The problem is, we often run into a situation where I'm talking to a stranger in my lovely broken norsk and they start answering back a mile a minute and I'm totally lost in conversation, so the language part of my brain does what it does best and shuts down. This only means one of three things will happen. 1) I continue the conversation in broken Norwegian and hope on my lucky stars I'm going to come out understanding something 2) If alone, I ask to speak English. Or 3) If I have Arild with me, I throw him under the bus and make him help me with communication. I think part of this is deep seated culture and part of this is him being quite shy as to his reluctance of speaking to strangers.

It's not that this is a huge cultural difference I feel the need to complain about, but I do hear of other immigrants often complaining about this certain aspect of Norway. I can understand expats complaining over this, though I may not necessarily sympathize. I'm perfectly okay most of the time going about my day not having to worry about superficial small talk with a person I'll never see again. In fact, when I first moved to Norway, I kept asking Arild what to do if I don't know what to say to a stranger when they come up to talk to me. This was a bit of a worry for me in the beginning, but I've learned since, no one will talk to you unless they're drunk or crazy. I'm much happier and content with my small group of friends and family and having conversations with them which go beyond small talk. I don't mind speaking to strangers, but I just don't prefer it. This is something deeply embedded in my personality and this is also how Norwegians view outsiders.

An oldie, but goodie!
(found at: http://www.memecenter.com/fun/1327447/want-to-learn-norwegian) 

The husband, however, will go through great lengths to avoid contact with strangers. When I ask him about this he not only points out that he's shy, but he also says there's something very Norwegian in him that says he should be this way. It's just part of the culture. That's all. While at times I may be frustrated with him avoiding contact with people, I just have to accept the culture I live in, the husband I married and remember that the world doesn't adapt to me, I have to adapt to the world.

There is a cultural difference here, but I think the thing to remember is, not speaking to strangers is not a measure of a nation's kindness. I do think a mistake many immigrants make when it comes to this one cultural aspect is they assume friendliness of strangers is associated with measuring a nation's kindness. It's important to remember, it's not a bad thing either way. The kindness of strangers can go a long way, but so can a handful of very deep, committed relationships.